The more you struggle
The deeper you sink: So Stop.
Take more time to think.
Watch where your mind goes.
Are there patterns — is there flow?
Feel how the wind blows.
It is so freeing
Stepping away from judgment
And then just being.
What I Did Today.
I read an excellent article today by Brianna Wiest. Tell me what you did today and I’ll tell you where you will be in 10 years. I love that a 28-year-old writer embodies such wisdom! (It’s people like Brianna, Amanda Gorman, and Greta Thunberg who give me great hope for our future.)
Brianna’s post inspired my newest poem (featured above) — called “just being” and the following thoughts on something I did today — I meditated.
I am not one for New Year’s Resolutions. However, this year it just so happens that a new morning practice of meditation started on January 1st.
For twenty minutes after I wake up, I arrange myself, legs crossed, a few pillows to support my lower back, often palms up, or fingertips gently touching each other. Then, set my iPhone for 20 minutes (With soft bells that ring at the end rather than some horrible glaring alarm), and I begin.
I recently talked to a friend of mine through a Zen counting meditation I was taught in 2019. My friend tried the practice, and they got incredibly irritated. (The idea is to try to count to ten, and if in between numbers you have a thought — you go back to 1.) They said they got so frustrated ‘trying not to think’ (and I might add trying to get it right) that the exercise became futile.
FYI: Not all ZaZen counting exercises “boot” you back to one, some are just counting to ten and beginning again. Other forms of meditation such as TM (Transcendental Meditation) pair you with a trained professional who gives you one-on-one expert guidance on a deep dive into being. I’ve also read in TM they begin their sessions with a ritual of gratitude. And I’m a firm believer that the attitude of gratitude is always a game-changer.
The type of meditation I am doing is a conglomeration of what I have learned over the years. I don’t use an app, nor have I practiced TM.
It’s simply a self-taught practice that focuses on allowing and observing my thoughts and gently attending to my body. In doing so, I allow myself to discover what occurs in the absence of thought, release judgments and see what possibilities stem from being still.
My practice consists of some of the following things: If I find myself following a thought too intently, I simply say, in my head, “clear.” I also notice the gentle rhythms of my body. I experience small yet powerful undulations in places a yogi would call chakras. My throat chakra may undulate to the left, my heart to the right. It’s like a dazzling array of energy all housed in my body. But the moves are so subtle I doubt if my husband walked in, he’d notice me moving at all.
I observe my thoughts and where they wander. Then I let them go. There is a sense of quiet and calm that breaks through at times. Now and again, I see some fabulous colors. I notice when I ruminate on a problem too long, and when I notice I am stuck or struggling — I say, or rather think the word: ‘clear.’ Like a mantra. And I let that experience go. Sometimes it comes back in a new form, sometimes another new or more pervasive line of thought bursts in. Sometimes I return to that cool undulating pulse and try to synchronize it throughout my core.
Here are some of the specific things I “clear.” I think about work a lot. Sometimes I head down a rabbit hole of thinking I could have coached someone better, pondering other things I could have said or done… Clear.
Small to-do lists run through my mind…Clear.
I notice where a feeling resides — if a thought makes me feel a particular active emotion like anger, frustration, or joy, I observe where that emotion lives or shows up in my body. Then…yup, you guessed it: Clear.
Someone in my life is bugging the hell to of me…Clear.
I have no big Aha’s to share with you as of yet. It’s just simply that I am practicing the art of stillness, and it’s just that right now:
Practice.
In the world of performance, we call it rehearsal. Rehearsal is defined as “a practice or trial performance of a play or other work for later public performance.”
I like this notion. If by meditating, I am rehearsing stepping outside myself, abandoning the struggle, and noticing emotions and where they live, rather than allowing them to overwhelm me or drive me, I feel like I have a gateway into an easier way of just being going forward. It’s a whole new country, so to speak.
Will I still be meditating ten years from now? (Will I even be here ten years from now?)
Brianna Wiest might say, “I can tell you where you’ll be in a decade because the subtle behaviors in your daily routine — and whether or not you stick to them — are the building blocks of your future life.”
So while we can’t actually predict whether I will be here in ten years or not (After all — things happen.) Something I do know is that one of the fundamental building blocks of my life is Awareness. And I’m seeking to increase my awareness by practicing it with this type of meditation. Another essential building block is Discipline. Doing something every day has a profound effect on your body, mind, and spirit. Another fundamental practice: I grant myself space and grace to change and grow.
Nothing is static, and the paradox of mediation is how much movement you will discover in stillness. The profundity in just being!
What will you do today?
I encourage you to examine your fundamental building blocks, as Brianna Wiest encouraged me to do. See what it inspires.
And hey…why not also give meditation a go and see if it doesn’t help increase your awareness and enable you to experience greater flow?
